Just Get It Over With

by trivialmtb

 

In an unusual midsummer release, Salsa has announced their new paradigm shifting model, the Suckasaurus.

 

Specs:

Tire size: Bigger than what you currently own (buy it!)

Wheelsize: Bigger than what you currently own (buy it!)

Headangle: Slacker than what you currently own (buy it!)

Internet appeal: Superior to what you currently own (buy it!)

Roof Rack appeal: Roof what? (you’re on your own on this one, maybe strap it to your SUP, or whatever the fuck you actually ride on weekends)

Reach (because you still think you’re on a road bike): Longer than what you currently own (Buy it! along with our -1050mm stem)

Suspension Technology: You’re too core and too much of a soul rider to worry about that mess (Yes you will buy this)

 

www.salsabikes.com/suckasaurus/geometry

 

We spoke with Salsa about what they were going for with this new model and here’s what they had to say:

 

“Tires and wheelsizes have grown, yes, but not what we consider fast enough in a world of horrible bikes for horrible riders. We wanted something that was basically just going to roll by itself, without any input needed from the rider. Turning? What do you mean by turning? Yeah, our customers don’t really do that. As far as bike handling goes, this one handles fantastically. Fantastically in that the bike just handles itself. You couldn’t control this thing if you tried. So handling by this bike is just great! It also never really gets going because as all proponents of fat and plus sized tires know, speed is scary!”