Pretty much hate mountain biking.

Month: November, 2014

Ikea Snabb



In other Blackest Friday news, NS Bikes is re-issuing the Specialized Pitch which is fantastic news for anyone that missed the boat on that model the first time around:




The only update they seemed to have really missed was trimming their god damn cables to length for the product shots of the bikes.

Next update, get a real US distributor and help get people into the sport with something other than $12,000 enduro bikes.

Going Shopping.



It’s probably too late to tell you this, but the only Black Friday deal you need to concern yourself with is this:





It’s like 1998 but it’s been reborn with a 31.8 clamp. Just think, you could have a stem for $25 that will instantly improve your bike’s handling as much as it improves the bike’s looks.

Bet you wish you knew that before you took a hatchet to some guy’s face inside a Target just so you could get your stupid hands on some garbage Beats headphones.


Obese Bikes.



Hoo boy, I’d say this fat bike thing is jumping the shark now, but the whole trend is rather shark jumpy to begin with.

The button up shirt of the cycling industry is already bursting, firing errant buttons across the room due to the bloated belly and man-tits of fat bike hardtails and full suspension chubs.

Then the margins of the industry pants get filled with swollen kankles and muffin top:




It’s not like tandems and kids bikes have a shitload of integrity or street creed anyhow, so it shouldn’t come as any surprise when these bikes show up in the market. Some kid needs to be the one getting their ass kicked on the playground. Who else would grow up to become all of the sensitive artists? And riding through the snow with someone on a fat tandem sounds about as thrilling as an oil change. Those Champerey sized rotors are pretty sweet though.

Like most things fat, I hope this trend has a shortened life-span.

What will be the Marlon Brando as Dr. Moreau thing that finally clogs the arteries?

Fresh Ideas.



Let’s collectively do a kickstarter to get these guys a video camera that doesn’t look like an infomercial from 1987.

So set the crowd funding goal for like $75.

Looks like something that can get all you forum jockeys a raging boner for discussion on how this shifting system could affect your suspension performance. What else are you going to talk about while ignoring your annoying family over Thanksgiving?


Skip The Glue Factory.



TrivialMTB is pretty bummed about the news that Cam Cole is going to be stepping down from world cup shredding. It stinks that someone with that much talent and dedication is hanging it up due to a lack of job opportunities. Guess the economy is a harsh mistress to us all.

Remember that time he rode for Yeti for like 20 minutes, right as enduro-ing became the dystopian future?


And while we’re at it, bummed that Bryn and Jill aren’t racing world cups next year either. This means that now not one person will look good bow-legged on the track without Bryn around, and there will be 12% fewer female racers at each event with Jill’s absence. But glad they are keeping the dream alive and promoting more locally.

We’ve seen some grumblings on the issue of when should a pro retire lately. Do you go out on top or do you cling on and milk every drop you can from an increasingly less relevant group of sponsors? Do you bow out as the reigning champion of practice like Kirkaldie? Or do you go for one more season with Xpedo as your title sponsor?

For example, some folks bagging on Chase in the comments on Team Robot. Yeah, that was a whack turn (in a whack photo, on whack Pinkbike, what could you expect?), but Chase still has some of the classiest 360s in the game, and while that isn’t going to win contests these days, he can throw those at the jumps, shake a kid’s hand, and stoke out a new generation for years to come. Any of the numerous people that call out for Hans Rey to retire can eat a fat sack of horse dong. Hans has shown mountain biking to the eyes of more people on this planet than probably anyone else in history. GT’s return on investment for Hans is so astronomically in their favor that they should eventually keep his corpse on payroll just for Weekend at Bernie’s type appearances.


Regardless of all that, we are glad to see Bryn, Jill, and Cam continue to make mountain biking look fun, and keep bringing new people into the sport that we all love (and sometimes kind of hate).

Truly Sellin’ It





If you’re going to go for ‘buzz’ and ‘viral’ and all the other words that sound like a concussion paired with syphilis, make some memories while you’re at it damnit.


Artsy McGee.



On the opposite end of The Dudes of Hazzard keeping things simple and all about fun, here’s how to get properly artsy-farty with a bike video.


If you’re going to go for art, then go all the way.

This is more interesting than basically any Red slow-mo footage and steamy-trees b-roll will ever be.

Title Sequence.



The title sequence alone in this video sets it years ahead of just about anything else. You know, right away, what kind of serious shit you’re in for.

I know this is not “epic” or full of drone shots or anything like that, but god damn, this has the same heart and soul of many good bmx videos. That’s something that an awful lot of mtb stuff tries and fails to achieve. Slashing turns, crashing like idiots, and plowing over furniture with your friends is the good life.

You don’t have to show us epic freechuckers talking brown pow over campfires in far away lands. That junk never comes across as anything but staged garbage with crappy stunt actors.

This video rules. Even though I was terrified for the bar width in the trees…

Ali Clean.



Ali C is to trials riding what touching your first boob is to middle school- awesome.

Or college, whenever you got your first handful of boob, whatever.

Rankin Boners – CityX



I still do not see the appeal of cyclocross but it sure does look entertaining through Alex Rankin’s lens.

This has also reinforced a rule of “never buy used cyclocross stuff,” that I will continue to accidentally follow for the rest of my life.