Pretty much hate mountain biking.

Month: September, 2013

Breaking Blah.



Can you believe that after all that good writing, they ended Breaking Bad with  “It was all just a dream…” ?

"Breaking Bad" - "Ozymandias"Seems lazy.

Well, whatever, let’s go ride some bikes!

It’s The Weekend.



The Trivial crew of douche bags going out for a group ride:



As per usual, taking shit way too serious and ruining all the fun.

Winter Dark Thirty.


This video:,23002/Colorado-FreerideFestival,17150

Was posted with this description:

“For those that missed out on Trestle’s closing weekend, there was some trail work done on No Quarter and Long Trail that added a bit of variety. This clip also highlights their new novelty trail “Banana Peel”, which does not have a rock on it.”

Now if this were any other bike park in the world, I would have assumed this was some sort of practical joke about the trail not having any rocks on it, or I would have taken that to be some sort of jaded-grumpy-guy-racer description of a track that is kind of mellow. Because even Sea Otter has “rocks” (plural) in it and they give a few schmucks  race ruining flats each year.

But this is Winter Park we are talking about so it’s safe to assume that there are literally NO rocks on that trail. And is that the kind of reputation you want your park to have? To be the kind of place that takes the pussification of downhill trails so far that “no rocks” is a claim easily taken as literal? Ugh. Bike parks are ruining this sport sometimes. I’d rather get water-boarded than ride a bunch of wooden “features” that cost 50x as much per foot as good, natural downhill trail.

The video description maybe should have read, “For those that stayed at home to shut your balls in a kitchen drawer instead of riding closing weekend, some shit got changed too late for anyone to notice or care, and also there’s a new trail that you’ll ride once just to see how god damn clownish it is.”

To be fair, I have only ridden Winter Park a handful of times in the last decade, because every time some overzealous chump drags me up there, with promises of how much less it sucks now, on my limited free time on the road, it always disappoints and I’m usually thankful that the lift gets shut down early as shit every day for lighting because then I’ll have a perfectly good excuse to go stick fifteen tacos in my face.




Got postpartum depression here after the world cup season. Rampage is cool and all but this is rough. Why bother getting out of bed when there won’t be world cup downhill to get excited about for months and months.



I just hope Tyler McCaul’s whips are enough to get us through these dark times.

More Wide Is More Better.



I’ve been saying it for years that big tires and skinny rims go together like pizza and hairspray. So for once, ever, I’m interested in an American Classic product:

s780_BT_20130918_untitled_shoot_115I’m wondering how quickly the sides of the rim will dent into oblivion but still. I’d run that stuff in a not wagon wheel size.

Just waiting for the $3,500 carbon version of wide stuff to come out now so I can do something stupid like refinance my house in order to invest in something with rapid depreciation like bike parts.


Half A Hole.


It’s easy to hate a video of aerial photography of unicycle trials riding but occasionally I can dig deep and find some scraps of effort to just appreciate that most of this stuff was smooth enough on the shooting and the riding took a lot of balls. Which is weird because doing drops on a unicycle looks like it jackhammers your balls into powder that blows away like dust in the breeze. It feels like a complete surrender of whatever street cred this blog may have built up to not just rain shit on this video but to be honest, it’s too damn hot and I’m too damn tired to put on that grumpy facade.


Good thing they made that video before half of those ride spots were washed away in the biblical flood that washed away all the heathen sinners that occupy that town in a stream of mud, their blasphemous “science,” and other liberal nonsense.





Here’s some more Ellsworth hate only this time it’s not entirely their fault:

Good grief, Calfee. Stop. If you’re going to go for that whole “home made carbon” look, then too bad, BCD already did that so right that no one else should ever bother trying again.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAAnd I know Calfee has been making shitty looking “quirky” bikes for a long time so this is nothing new. But good lord, teaming up with Ellsworth for your mountain bike suspension licensing is like seeking financial advice from Enron. Actually, buying a bike from Ellsworth is the kind of financial advice that Enron would have dished out. A carbon fiber tandem mountain bike is going to cost a small fortune and for the idiots willing to dish out that premium, it should also come with a free vasectomy so that your worthless genetic material is met with a dead end.

Also, the dude in that video above seems to be representative of the entire Ellsworth client base.

Woof all around.

Smithty Cent.



Way to go, Steve Smith. Way to stick it to ’em.



And so commences the long, dark winter of crappy indoor skatepark edits and the twiddling of thumbs until world cup racing returns during the next transit of Venus. Sigh…

Good Advice.




Nude World Disorderly.



New World Disorder is coming back huh?

Like some sort of New-er Worldier Disorderier.

Want to put any bets on how many clips all those cameras capture at 24 fps?



If I were a betting man, I’d guess zero.