Pretty much hate mountain biking.

Month: December, 2013

Steamy Summer.



If Marc Bolan and T.Rex doesn’t put you in the mood, I guess you’re just not going to get it on.

Thankfully, Sean Watson always brings the heat. And plenty of it.


Joe Rich.



I can’t think of too many people cooler than Joe Rich.

Like maybe Steve McQueen and Joe Rich are tied for coolest dudes ever.

Karving Jive Turkeys.

TrivialMTBLogoI’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Kovarik rides a trail like Rick James treats your couch.



And that’s exactly how it should be.


Happy Whatevers.


All you need for the holidays is this video by Alex Rankin which has Nico Vink and Adam Brayton doing their thing.

Nico Vink is ridiculous and will huck anything you put in his path. And Brayton looks like he’s having post-break-up-sex with every turn on the track.

Oh and Alex Rankin is still the King of bike videos. Duh. Everyone else is competing for a distant second place.

Gift Sack.



Hey, it’s not too late to do some craigslist Christmas shopping.

Take for example this gem of a posting to sell a hodgepodge of aborted fetuses (fetii?).

hunkofshitSanta is apparently carrying a bag of reindeer shit this year next to a bag of wanted gifts. And you only get that bike if you’ve been naughty? So if you’ve recently been the mastermind behind a successful genocide? Shimano STI XT junk, Race Face square taper cranks maybe, that frame, some bro-brah goggles with heat-vision spare lenses, and a sweaty helmet. All for $1,200!? Since it’s craigslist and you are required to haggle, toss in a kick to the dick shaft and we’ll call it a deal.

In conclusion, I’d rather have a lump of coal shoved up my ass.

On the plus side, the finish on that generation of Boxxers was the best ever.


Beat Ass



When is some band of dipshits going to do a video project remotely like this in mountain biking?

Oh, probably never? Gotcha. Thank god for FBM.

Happy Holidays, Goofballs.



Enjoy filling the bottomless voids in your life with material possessions!


And on a side note, happy birthday to the Archduke Franz Ferdinand!



Say what you will about his political stances towards Hungarian nationalism, the guy knew how to properly wax and twirl a mustache.





Cut Media is the jam.

They made a bike video about a female rider without sexing it up the whole time. Oh, and did we mention the video is over 26 minutes long, and I sat through it twice? How did they go about this feat of wizardry when I can’t even be bothered to sit through most shredder-dude videos for two minutes? Basically they just showed her riding her bike, playing music, enjoying some food and friends, enjoying the sights… you know- like a human being. Amazing. I can identify with getting lost, going on rides hours longer than planned, and road trip adventures. You know what I can barely identify with is being TrickBot5000, programed with the sole purpose of tailwhipping and barspinning everything in the world even if it means ugly landings and temper tantrums.

Hannah Barnes seems like a super cool person and this week long adventure looked awesome. And not just bro-brah awesome. Like AWE-some. You see some of those views in the countryside? Holy shit. Good move, tourism board. I want to go to there.

And I’m just going to put this out there that the whole go-pro drone warfare battle is over and Northwest won with this shot:

hannahwhoaSo everyone else can just give up and stop using aerials now. The best has been had.

Big thumbs up to Stu for his hard work in directing projects like this and Imaginate and Industrial Revolutions and everything else. Not many people can say they smoked Peaty by 15 seconds… and then made all those projects. Looking forward to what’s next from you, Stu.


Here Ya Go.


As per the suggestion of everyone’s Ro-Bros, here’s a sneak looky-see-here at what’s coming down the convoluted, cluttered pipeline of Knolly’s bike offerings:


And again, that whole argument of “well, yeah but have you ridden one?”

Still the same response to that as ever:

sewer rat pumpkin pie


You know who did/does make cool erector-set bikes was Nicolai. All kinds of extraneous shit on those bikes but it always looked kind of good. Knolly seems to just be the sponge absorbing the hundreds of tons of unused aluminum (spread over a production run of several dozen frames) now that just about everyone else in the business is making their bikes out of pencil lead and glue instead of metal.

Traffic Spike.



What?! This happened:



The Don likes our shitty blog!




Thanks, Neil. This made our day.