TrivialMTB

Pretty much hate mountain biking.

ESL.

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This is almost painful to watch:

 

If you want more poetry from the gods, check out the writer’s other work:

 

 

All The Way To The Bank.

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Insightful.

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The people in charge of the copy writing for the graphics slides on the Rampage broadcast hold creative writing degrees from Cheeseburger University.

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Maybe add “Try not to fuckin’ die” to that list of gold.

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I know this is old news to be bagging on the Red Bull broadcast of Rampage. And I know it’s better than not having the webcast at all. But it took someone some kind of effort to make the graphics overlays for the webcast. It would have taken 0.7% more effort to make them 1000% less shitty. Alternatively, could have just saved the effort completely and not bothered.

Sometimes the only way out of the crevasse is down. Embrace the futility of trying to write something profound about a sports event of this nature and just go with the sarcasm route.

“What Andreu needs to do to win again: Not sleep with the judges’ significant others, Do stuff that’s more bigger than everyone else done did, Be willing to die for your entertainment- ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!”

Considering they missed switching to the right camera for about half the action for the first runs, maybe they could have cut their tech director’s rate by a few hundred bucks and used that to pay an actual writer. Surely there are mountain bikers out there with english degrees that would have been pumped to contribute something better than what the Poet Laureate Of Beverages spewed out for the event.

Always Was.

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Horse:

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Pony:

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Some people were just born to be badass shredders.

“What Hump?”

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Not that it matters much what an e-bike looks like, but this is pretty terrible:

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The rider who would best match this broken protractor of a frame design:

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There is a place for e-bikes in the world, we’re sure of it. So far, the daily commuter that wants to haul ass going 30mph to work without sweating through their business casual gets a pass, if only because their office job is probably soul crushingly sad, and riding any kind of bike is better than a single occupant car. The people hauling a bunch of tools deep into the woods to work on bike trails for the rest of us to enjoy get a pass. And even the media goons trying to zip between stages to get set up for EWS coverage while carrying 15 kilos of camera gear get a pass- from us, if not their contractual frame sponsors.

Everyone else… you’re on thin ice.

I don’t want to sound like too much of a lousy old crotch that’s opposed to any technological advancement of the bicycle. The world has enough of those boogers. Not everything was better back when everyone was crashing their penny farthings into horses on the crowded streets of Dickensian London.

Someday e-bikes will be neat. But that time isn’t quite here yet. Remember the first asshole you knew with an Apple watch? And he was all, “It tells you what time it is and also if you bring it up real close to your face, you can see what the weather is like outside!” The technology is just a tool, and unfortunately the loudest early adopters of stuff tend to be tools themselves. Someday when a watch can monitor your blood sugar, warn you when you’re about to have a seizure, and notify emergency responders it will be cool enough to make you mostly forget the dildos that used it early on to read tweets during board meetings. And someday e-bikes won’t look like bloated Cronenberg mutants, and their use won’t be dominated by the current kind of generally detestable pricks that have the expendable income to buy them.

Someday.

Can’t and Won’t.

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Cat’s out of the bag that this blog is “active” again.

But much much much more importantly, Team Robot is active. Look, we can’t compete with them.

Team Robot:

TsTLOjs

 

Trivial:

Trivial or robot

 

We won’t even try to keep up. We are the rushed over the pants hand job to their passionate kama sutra exploration with your soulmate.

Anyways, more posts eventually.

Shhh… Michael Shannon

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Nice work on the newest Yeti video starring Michael Shannon Dick Rude.

 

Fun concept and well executed.

We feel bad for Richie’s bikes though, sweet jesus.

Media Conglomerate Schmedia Shmlomerate.

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Another nail in the coffin of Dirt Magazine.

https://dirtmountainbike.com/news/steve-jones-bids-farewell-dirt.html

Bought out by Factory/Mpora.

Regular print version killed.

Mike Rose leaves.

Steve Jones leaves.

Those who remain do their best to deal with their corporate overlords but they can only bail buckets of water out of the sinking dingy so fast…

Hey, head office schmucks, now it’s really time to update your staff contact page:

OLDASSINFO

Try Riding Harder.

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We’re torn.

On one hand, the thing we want to poke fun at is infinitely detestable. On the other hand, we don’t even want to give it the credit of acknowledging its regrettable existence. Oh, the moral quandaries we face running this irrelevant blog!

Instead of spending $1200 on a thing that simulates a limited window of what it’s like to ride a bike, why not invest in one of these:

 

The end result is the essentially the same- your wallet is a lot lighter, you wiggled around a handlebar,  and the process made you look like a diaper full of hot baby shit.

 

Good Things.

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This is about as good as something can be:

 

Not everything has to suck. I know, rare opinion to be having around here. But This video and everyone who put int he hard work for it are worth talking about.

Plenty happened in the last week that frankly isn’t even worth mentioning because it’s so played out, tired, and obvious ice-is-cold level observations. You can draw your own conclusions about podium punches and ‘exercise’ machines in the parking lot of bike parks.

What’s more interesting is speculating how many days of shooting it took to get that Casey Brown video done. I’m guessing three. If it’s less, then way to go on the crew for getting Usain Bolt to move cameras between shots with that quickly fading golden hour.

Great riding, great shooting, great scenery. This was fantastic.