TrivialMTB

Pretty much hate mountain biking.

Month: December, 2012

Chain Reactions.

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Alright, so if this is true….

sam hill crc

… Then I can’t help but picture Sam Hill inside one of those telephone booth sized things with the fans in the floor that blow around a bunch of money around in the chamber and you have to frantically try and catch the bills out of the air for thirty seconds. Basically, going to Chain Reaction seems like a money grab.

Chain Reaction sucks for the cycling industry worldwide and while it’s swell that people like Matt Simmonds get to ride world cups on their nickel (or pence, or whatever they have in the UK), the whole rest of the business sucks souls. And if Hill went from just a couple years ago, testing a ton of different frames and picking the one that he felt would get him the most wins, to just saying fuck it and riding a Transition Nukeproof, then I guess we might as well forget about seeing him ride like 2006-7 Hill ever again.

Whatever, he has a kid to feed and I guess none of this really matters, the guy has to make money while he can.

On a side note, that Monster green is going to look really good with the blue/yellow of CRC… not.

Purveyor Of Good Taste.

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Hey. Now that the world didn’t end, let’s take a minute and think back on how much good Alex Rankin did for mountain bikers that came up watching his videos, whether it was Sprung or Earthed. Take a stroll down memory lane with me, won’t you?

Here are things Alex Rankin showed youngsters are cool:

  • -Riding your bike really fast, obviously.
  • -Slow-mo-ing almost exclusively on exceptional saves and fleeting moments of extremely good bike handling, not every fucking thing.
  • -Go-karting.
  • -Riding 50s like a jackass.
  • -Building shit whether it was dirt jumps, berms, or kickers made out of garbage.
  • -Drinking sometimes heavily but surrounded by friends.
  • -Fans going bonkers.
  • -Classic rock and the history of British punk music (the clear exception to this was when he used that Eski-boi dog shit for Brayton’s section).
  • -You can hand hold and fast pan your way through a video and a tripod has its place. Jibs, dollies, sliders, steadicams, and all that are for the birds until you get the basics sorted out.
  • -Not everything has to be EPIC. In fact, most things are not.
  • -Sometimes the best riders to shoot with are not that fast on the results sheets (think Reid, Vink, etc).
  • -You should have some god damn fun already.

Thanks Alex Rankin. You’re a true hero and purveyor of good taste. With kids these days coming up with modern bike videos, here’s what they have to look up to:

  • -Feeling it, bro.
  • -Dubstep.
  • -Canadian kickouts.
  • -Everything in 300 FPS.
  • -Everything is epic and should be backed by 6 minutes of straight crescendo.
  • -Helmet cams.
  • -DSLRs mounted on stupid contraptions to move them in a shaky, shitty fashion.
  • -Training montages.

Bleh.

We miss you, Mr. Rankin.

RankinPressRelease

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How dare these assholes ride their bikes in unique and creative ways.

 

Maybe somebody should tell this whole crew a thing or two about trials bikes:

-The don’t have seats.

-They are supposed to have brakes. Loud and obnoxious ones.

-They are supposed to have 47 inch wheelbases and one inch seat tube heights.

-They are supposed to have their bars mounted up-side down, backwards, and inside-out.

-They are supposed to not be fun.

Things Cooler Than MTB.

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Fornicate upon your upholstered furniture:

I guess let’s go do some disk brake induced skids in the dirt and feel like we are masters of bike control now?

 

Edit- Looks like Cult took it down because it was totally hosing their DVD sales. The video part was Dakota Roche’s thing from Cult’s video called Talk Is Out Of Our Budget.

Nothing Has Changed.

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Nothing has changed in mountain biking for months (probably years).

Of particular note is the fact that many very good mountain bikers wish they rode moto, and this will never change. Evidence of this can be seen in the fact that you can’t walk ten feet at Anaheim 1 without running into some god damn clan of mountain bikers wandering around trying to feel important in the face of a sport that is several orders of magnitude bigger than downhill ever will be, and yet still can’t get more than a two second highlight clip on Sportscenter.

Further evidence can be heard and read spewing forth from the “get your elbows out” crowd that likes bikes but loves to pretend they don’t suck at anything with two wheels, when they imagine that their puny pedal bike makes “braap” noises. This is one of the most annoying things in the universe.

You would think that being one of the most stylish mountain bikers in the world would be good enough. Or being at the very top of everyone’s “why hasn’t this guy won a world cup yet?” lists would suffice. But nah, pretend you’re on a dirt bike and making sure your “throttle hand” is doing stuff when you’re hucking shit that is literally impossible for mere mortals on a trail that has been shot since before the time when monkeys first stood upright to get better leverage to throw their feces.

Screen shot 2012-12-09 at 3.00.11 PMWhen the crust of the earth splits open here in a couple weeks and the Mayans crawl out from their graves to kill us all and destroy all things in sight, at least you’ll all die knowing that gapping those graffiti covered rocks in So-Cal wasn’t cool enough on its own. You should have done it with a motor because that’s always cooler.