Pretty much hate mountain biking.

Month: April, 2014






Frat Track.



While I’d probably never want to be a part of a Japanese game show, I would certainly not turn down the chance to shove my foot in someone’s spokes for a filthy pass on a pedal bike flat track day.

That looks like a stupid good time.

It’s Available.



Who’s going to be the asshole that buys and registers

Rules are rules and all, I get that. But dang, that throws a curveball into the overalls right there.


Cairns Qualifiers.



While looking at the qualification results from Cairns, two things stood out.



Sean McCarroll qualifies like a decade since the Global team and with the most double consonants of anyone in the field.

And two: 80th place is One Minute And Eight God Damn Seconds Back… that’s seems like a gigantic spread for the field these days. Hell, even super dope¬†guys are thirty seconds back and are still in the top half or so. That wetness is adding some wild card awesome into the mix.

If you’re not pumped for this downhill racing stuff, then you can take your soft dick over to the local enduro scene. I’m sure there’s plenty of room over there for a lemon party.

Hope all the photographers/videodorks are having fun playing the dollar-hand-down-game at this event…


Red Bull Carcass Factory.



The Red Bull Wide Open thing is actually happening.


Six dudes riding downhill at the same time on a track? Sure, if that track is 40 feet wide the whole way down, I’d be all for it.

So who wants to start a betting pool? $2 buy in gets you a bet on a rider that will sustain event ending injuries, $5 gets you a bet on season ending injuries, and if you want to be a dick about it, $10 gets you a bet on career ending injuries. Here’s the list of potential hospital patrons:


Slalom > Your Nuts.



Even with pretty much all the big guns on the other side of the globe, dual slalom coverage at Sea Otter is always worth watching. If you think slalom isn’t the kitten’s titties then you’re wrong and frankly, you’re probably an asshole.

If you need more proof that slalom is dope, see the following:


Told ya.

They’re Making The Talkies These Days.



Why has it taken this long for someone to put a wireless lav on the guy standing on top of the podium so that we can actually hear what’s happening up there instead of just watching slow-mo champagne sprays for the hundredth time?,25448/sspomer,2

Hell yes, Parkins! That’s progress. It’s almost as if you dudes have made some movies before. Keep up the good work and maybe we can all forgive you for selling out to Red Bull. (just kidding, we all know you sold out years ago you rich show-offs with your caviar and your big vocabularies)

Edit- “They’re” indeed… that’s what I get for posting from my phone and not paying attention to what the auto-correct is doing to shit in my pants. God dammit. That’s cardinal grammar sin.

I don’t know why there’s so much focus on downhill



For 2014, Sunday is still for the real men.




Yeah Right.



Gwin looked pretty washed up in his finals run at PMB. The internet haters were right, that dude was a flash in the pan…




More Of This.



This video about Andrew is one of the better things I’ve seen lately. It’s not changing my worldview or blowing my mind, but it’s thoughtful, insightful, and above all, it’s telling a story. It’s pulling back the curtain a little bit to show the viewer that there is a human inside the race kit that is plowing down the mountain.

This is good. This is the counterbalance needed, the yin to the yang of the 2013 Raw Redux video.