Pretty much hate mountain biking.

Month: November, 2013




We like Sombrio (in principle) and Dave Watson. We’ve liked Dave Watson since that clip of him pedaling through a drifted turn in Ride To The Hills on a GT DH-i. So it sucks to see his business smashing against a wall.



Sombrio always seemed like a good little company that offered non-moto gear for mountain bikers who could shred, but were not really racers or racer-fan-boys and that was a great niche to fill. But notice how they were just described as a “good little company”… I know all businesses want to grow but what snake oil salesman waltzed up into Sombrio saying, “Hey, listen here. Great news. The world economy is back, baby. And it’s back in a big way! People got money pouring out of their wallets, and you got the moxy to pick all of it up! I’m talking explosive growth, tootsie! It’s high time that Sombiro had some physical retail stores by-golly. Here, look at this graph of projected money over time and notice how as time passes, money shoots to the moon, kiddo! Look, I even had to add a piece of extra paper to the top of the chart because the line on the graph has shot up through the roof of the poster board. We’re gonna be rich, I tells ya!”

And then the part that sucks is someone at Sombrio said, “You know, this is different to Enron of Herbalife… We’re in!”

Have we not seen this story before? Do Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook ring a bell?

Dee Vee Yo Likes Green Things.


Let me first say that I’m all for the DVO fork being out there. Inverted forks have been cool to me since the original black and red Dorado, with rare exceptions like Risse Racing Bigfoots and Hannebrink Death-to-your-face-forks.

And I also get that you can’t just go and release all your testing numbers out there for your competitors to google up (they should at least buy your fork to ruin it on their own machines).

But this testing video never really showed the fork being released from the stress loads. There was the one wiggle test that showed full cycles, but the impressive looking, nearly a foot of deflection, bending tests didn’t show the release. How bent to shit is your fork after that?

Realistically, how broken is every bone in your body also at that point? In conclusion, neat video that didn’t convince me of anything.

Your Tires Are Not Why You Suck.



These goobers in the parking lot after a ride kept talking about how their new tires were so radicle, and had so much traction, and “hooked up so good” and they wouldn’t shut up about it, just stroking each other off with praise of how well their money was spent on these new treads, braah. And I saw them on the trail. I wonder why, if their tires were so badass, were they just skidding like idiots down the whole hill? Hmm…



Could it be that these days, pretty much any tires are just fine in medium-dry conditions since everything is made out of kinda-sticky-rubber and maybe where you put your weight over the bike, when and how you brake, and general line selection has a lot more to do with how the tires holds than all the micro-sipes and doodad marketing hooey?

This all comes back to Kirt Vories like 12 years ago and his tire selection strategy (paraphrased): “Black ones. Made out of rubber.”

If blowing money on every new hyped up tire that comes out is how you get your stiffy hard to go for a ride then whatever, thanks for pumping money into the industry. But the truth is, you probably suck and you can ride whatever tires you want and you’ll still be terrible.

At least that’s certainly how it is for me.




UGH. Look at how good this asshole is at riding bikes. Just look at it:

Makes me sick.

It’s like watching someone play a video game with all the cheat codes activated.

I better watch it only another dozen times before I cry myself to sleep for being terrible at all bike handling.

Loam Times Magazine.



If you’re having a downer of a week, it’s because a bunch of dickheads in the UK just hogged all the world’s fun supply here:,23952/sspomer,2

The skip-a-turn berm-blast-pass that Fairclough does pulled an out loud WTF from me and that almost never happens. Loved watching that whole video. A bunch of friends hacking a hillside and having fun is what this silly sport is all about. Rarely do I go from a bike video page straight to online shopping for shovels, but that’s exactly what happened here.

Also hilarious was the presentation of the loamy dirt. I’m surprised they didn’t do a High Times cover spread with Faiclough posing with the fine loam nuggs braaah.

Sorry, errr Whatever.


Sorry to leave all six of you hanging for the last week:


Wait. No we aren’t.

Had a hell of a week and not hating something every day was refreshing.

We’ve been playing with the idea for a while now of just deleting this whole blog and moving to a shack in Montana to type out our hate-mountain-biking-manifesto on a typewriter purchased from a local hipster emporium, while wearing a plaid flannel purchased from the next row over… but then even less people would read our shit. (Hey, Dark Timbers- want to be our plaid sponsor for the militia uprising?) It’s clear to see how Team Brobot got burnt out before and toned it way down, and Trivial is on that same plan now. When something boils us over, we’ll hate it. But this every day stuff is for the birds.

See you when we see you.

Car, Game Off.



Taking a few days off from hating mountain biking to enjoy the company of another human being.


Gray Acres.


Maybe it’s the hipster in me (it is), but the idea of Mission Workshop making mountain bike clothing that I can only hope to afford someday off in the distant future makes me feel all warm and fuzzy in my imagined-future, fair trade, organic, made in the USA, non-gmo fed, marino wool, lifetime warranty covered chest.

Considering the dork boner I have had for their bags and jackets for years, it looks like I’ll be drooling over their mountain bike stuff now too. The best part so far from the four item line up is that it doesn’t look like clown suit attire. Solid blacks and grays? Yes please.


Also, the promotional photos for the brand are kicking things off rock hard with that photo in France. Hey Acre, if you need any of this stuff “tested” you just give us a shout and we’ll be glad to give it our worst rating yet for any Mission gear: 9 thumbs up.

Farewell Teva.


Over ten years ago I had a pair of Teva flip flops that lasted me about 5 years before finally being mashed paper thin and made useless as protection from road debris. Somewhere between that time and the present, Teva also started making bike shoes and for a few brief years they seemed to do that fairly well. I never owned any because I was too busy riding 5.10s that were also many years old and probably should have been retired earlier. But the Teva stuff always looked good and they seemed to put some good tech into them.

But then the big wigs in charge decided to put an end to the bike program that had a lot of effort invested into it. These big wigs are also the people I would guess are in charge of propagating the Ugg boots fad that allows you to easily identify which girls on your college campus don’t have anything better to talk about than pumpkin spice lattes.

Also during this time, the lifespan of my Teva flip flops has decreased to as little as 8 months with no significant change in how often I wear them.

Hmm… coincidence? I THINK NOT.

Way to go, Teva head honchos at Deckers Ugg Boot Slingers, your full pull out method will surely prove effective if the bottom continues to fall out of the Ugg market as demand decreases and cost of materials and manufacturing keeps going up, and you ever attempt to make a re-entry into the bike market.

At least the bike shoes had that crazy waterproof technology that will make for an easy clean up from this pulling out business.


Behind The Scenes.



A behind the scenes look at why Trivial’s Bar Drag Bounty video did not win: