Pretty much hate mountain biking.

Month: June, 2013

Simple, Really.


Chris Akrigg is the best.

Expectations Vs Reality.



When you think you’re going really fast and smoothing out all the curves in the terrain:




What you actually look like:


Relevant In 2002.


Further proof that huckers are just tryin’ to get laid:

And as always, it doesn’t work.

Priority Number 1.



The next time you spend hours dialing in your kit and bike for a cat 2 enduro event, just remember that it’s all about looking good standing next to your ride before and after the race that counts, not how hard you shred it.



Sponsors care more about bike checks than they do race results because page views = product sales. And results PDFs get clicked 1% as often as a 15 image slideshow of a bike using off the shelf parts. So do the math. If you want a career in enduro… get your priorities straight.

The Griz.



Griz does a pretty good job reminding people that downhill racing is supposed to be fun. I’m not saying that Brian Lopes is a terrible guest co-host to world cup events with Rob Warner. I couldn’t tell you since I fell asleep, but don’t you think Griz would be a match for Warner’s wit and archival knowledge of shredding? Let’s make that happen some time, universe.

Kevin Aiello, your goggles were on your bars, the race was over long before you cursed your way through Griz’s siren. Keep it light.

Miami Wice, Number One New Show.


You guys hear there was an urban race in Bratislava? Neat. The only thing I could thing of when I heard about that was the following (start it at 3:15):

Congrats to Marcelo Gutierrez for being totally willing to throw away the rest of the world cup season for the win.

Never Gets Old.



Watching your friends crash and hurt their genitals is one of life’s simplest pleasures.

Don’t forget to enjoy the small stuff out there, everyone.

Just Tryin’ To Show Off.



When some asshole rides with their brakes moto style and you don’t know that and you try to manual their bike:


Class Struggle.


And now thanks to the relentless flow of trickle in a downward direction, the lower upper-class can have eleven gears in the back of their mountain bike.


When this comes down to the people’s level, I’ll consider getting on board. Until then, I’ll just have to be the stunt double baby at the end of Battleship Potemkin.


Weekly Rankin Boner.



Playing a little catch up here…

You know what never gets old in these Charge videos is seeing some person from half a world away talk about riding their bike, and a giant smile inevitably grows across their face. Like it’s a thing that just happens- of course that’s the recipe. Talk about riding their bike, smile. As much as enduro marketing and internet comment sections and race governing bodies and all the other stuff just sucks all the time, bikes are the simplest pleasure in our lives, rivaled only by maybe food. I can safely say that a day without bikes is very much like a day without food.

The moral of the story here is that this blog claims to hate mountain biking and while that is mostly true, we paradoxically happen to love the hell out of bikes.

“It’s one of the most versatile and wonderful inventions that man has ever made.”