TrivialMTB

Pretty much hate mountain biking.

Month: March, 2014

Shameful.

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Alright.

I’ve had a minute to ruminate on this video and also recover from the stroke I had from the apoplectic frustration spiral that it sent me down. At first I thought certainly my friend had sent me a link to a disgusting video of his colonoscopy. That’s how shitty this track preview is. No, wait. That’s not fair. The track preview is just a bunch of dudes in appalled by the malarky on which they are about to compete. The shitty part is the track itself.

Allow me to be so bold as to say: Fuck this shit. 

This makes mountain biking look bad.

This makes downhill racing look horrible.

This is bullshit.

It’s 2014 (despite some bike companies already releasing “2015” models of stuff even though Sea Otter this year hasn’t happened yet, but that’s another topic). There is no excuse for this kind of paved sidewalk being sold as a downhill race track. This track is groomed more finely than a a Westminster Kennel Club podium.. I would eat my shoe faster than Werner Herzog if it turned out the riders were actually previewing the wheelchair/elderly accessible trackside spectator path. But no. This is the race track.

Now I’m all for lazy ass track building if it means throwing up some tape on a steep hillside, weed whacking the middle, and and letting the carnage ensue. That kind of quick and dirty track building can give us track segments like Snowmass and Vermont which still look hairier than Nico Vouilluz’s eyebrows a decade later. This is worse not only because the results look worse than an IMBA endorsed trail called “The Lazy River” but also because they actually had to have put in a lot of time with a machine to move or at the very least scrape a lot of dirt to make this happen.

Bureaucratic red tape happens. Delays and budget constraints happen. Weather happens. Terrorism happens. There are a lot of reasons that shitty tracks happen, but I’d like to know what kind of colossal excuse the event has for this steaming pile of feces.

Tools.

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Got a question for you because I really don’t know: When was the last time you used a phillips head screwdriver on your bike?

For me it was installing those crappy bar plugs that ODI was running back in like 2008. I guess I used one when removing the reflectors from a new bike at some point since then but a hammer also works for that task. And don’t say limit screws because they all have either a 3mm or the flat blade through the head on every derailleur I’ve run for over a decade.

So why then would any tool maker have a pocket tool with a god damn worthless phillips head screwdriver in it?

Screen Shot 2014-03-29 at 2.19.32 PMIt’s more common than you would think to find compact pocket tools with “just the essentials” type of specs coming with the cross headed waste of space.

Or am I just taking crazy pills here, and everyone else is going around bolt checking phillips screws on their bike every other ride?

What is going on out there? What is real?

 

EnDadaDuro

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Check it out everyone, you can fuel your next enduro race with Marcel Duchamp’s GuChomps:

marcelduchampguchomps

Barbican salutes Marcel Duchamp, man who transformed 20th century artI feel like Gu is really missing an opportunity here for some weird as hell, urinal based advertising.

And that’s how you make an art history joke fall flat on a bike blog. 

 

Don’t Give A Damn.

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This just in: SRAM doesn’t give two shits about Manitou and goes ahead and calls something on their new brakes “TPC Plus”

Screen Shot 2014-03-25 at 11.25.45 PM

I guess that is completely different to calling it something similar to Manitou’s damper cartridge that goes by the very different “TPC+” which was also such a good idea that Rock Shox stole it back in the day too.

In other news, Intense HQ has obviously painted two new handicapped parking spots right up front for the fastest geriatric in the game to park his Sprinter crookedly out front. We really look forward to seeing the media coverage of him riding the Tracer 275 down Telonix.

Change Is Good.

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The slogan for the Avid Guide line of brakes could be honest: Hey, at least they aren’t Elixirs/XOs    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

mehchangeisgoodiguess

 

Interested to see how well that rotor cuts and cleans the whole pad surface.  Also seems that the brake doesn’t say “Avid” on it anywhere that I can see. Are they trying to bury the past that hard right now?

DOA.

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Here’s a thing worth getting excited about:

I’ll take Sean Watson doing goofball manuals and knocking down trash-dominos over yanked n’ flailed 720s in a skatepark any day.

Yawn Factory.

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The reason for a lack of updates lately is that the mountain bike industry has been a barren wasteland of interest lately. Everyone is blue-balling themselves for the inevitable Sea Otter releases, and it doesn’t seem like our place to leak stuff- at least stuff that we’re actually excited about.

So let’s recap what has happened lately that has barely kept us from slipping into a deep, dark coma.

-Rock Shox is releasing an inverted fork for the XC race crowd. Cool, who gives a shit.

-Brian Lopes and Ibis parted ways and everyone in the known universe made the same joke to themselves about the improved parking situation at Ibis HQ and went on to ponder what trench in the margins he would go on to excavate a few more paychecks from.

-Chris Akrigg released a cyclocross video that confirmed both that A- Chris Akrigg is a better bike rider than just about anyone and B- that we personally have zero  interest in cyclocross riding.

-Intense got their shit together in a big way, released a frame that everyone should totally want, and then promoted it with a video of Kovarik riding to music that couldn’t be any less metal. I guess the frame isn’t much very metal these days either so perhaps that’s just a metaphor that was missed at first glance.

-New Zealand became the best place in the world to be according to the media.

-XO1 DH became a neat thing. Meanwhile, entire landfills are overflowing with Reverbs and Avid brakes.

See, nothing much worth talking about. And that previous post only just turned 15. Still not even able to drive alone.

If you want to join us, the Trivial crew will be digging dirt jumps until something worthy comes along to hate. BYO-Shovel:

DigSomeJumpsBitches

Happy Birthday.

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Beavis and Butthead turn 21 years old today.

bandbh

 

So to anyone watching that back in 1993, welcome to the Feeling Old As Shit Club.

It is customary on Interbike trips to swing by the Hoover dam and ask “Is this a god damn?”

This Rules.

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That is all.

Dontcha Hate It.

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When you go to try someone’s bike who rides their brakes moto style and they don’t tell you:

justgunnahitthisrearbrakedead

 

And then you pretty much die.