Pretty much hate mountain biking.

Month: January, 2014

Crips Vs Frats.



This whole clips versus flats thing is a tired topic, obviously.

On one hand, you got these uptight stiffs on the clips side talking about efficiency and pedaling dynamics and the hifalutin science behind the simple act of riding a bike. And then on the other hand, you’ve got the equally obnoxious flat pedal crowd always talking about how much more hardcore it is to ride flats and “keep it real.”

In regards to keeping it real, I refer you to the following evidence which still stands, over a decade later:

Look, keeping it real doesn’t win races and you don’t pay bills with street cred.

That being said, the dope shot from this video is the flat pedal drift at the end…

Point is, ride whatever pedals you want as long as they aren’t Crank Brothers.

Hugs For Our Fans.


Looks like some traffic spike came from pinkturd recently. Closer inspection of the native home of the Internet Bike Illuminati revealed a fan of Trivial MTB:

sherbetdrinkshisownpeeNot sure if anyone here at Trivial Headquarters has ever had the distinct pleasure of meeting this delicious “sherbet” fellow from Canada but it’s doubtful. For one, he’s Canadian, and we have no occasion to meet those friendly folks, really. For another, his little avatar is some kind of magical floating, prolapsed anus, leaking on a cold blooded serial killer of a deer. That’s some weird shit, and we tend to not associate with people who are into that kind of thing- no kink-shamming here, just it’s not our thing. Also, for more actual evidence, he assumes there’s one dude writing the endless tomes of this blog, and reaches even farther with his denim clad arm to assume that this one dude is a “straight tool”…



Would a straight tool look like this wrenching on his sweet new enduro bike?

OhGirlPleaseI think not.

The defense rests. Checkmate.




“Update Your Blog More.”




White Line, Brown Skid.



I’m going to go ahead and assume that none of the testers tried this chunk of “trail” on that $10,000 piece of shit Ellsworth they had in the testing pool.


The DL.


If you didn’t spend David Lynch’s birthday watching Mulholland Drive for the twenty-fifth time, still trying to figure out what the hell is going on, then I’m sorry for your day of suck.Happybirthdaydavid

Also noticed today that the mountain bike video landscape is essentially devoid of anyone you would call influenced by David Lynch or possibly even recognizable Lynch fans. This is a shame. Sean Watson does some goofball stuff with his editing that sort of reminds me of Steven Hamilton post-batshit-crazy videos but that’s about it. Maybe surrealism has no real home in bike riding?



Helmet cams suck. It’s dreadfully unfortunate that all the moto guys have to wear hood ornaments these days and the cameras never seem to do anything in mountain biking any justice. That McGarry run at Rampage was one of the only cases of helmet cam (or chest cam or whatever) looking as grosser than a ballsack.

This footage from Strobel is nasty and he’s hauling ass but I can’t help but wonder how much tighter my grip would have been on the armrests of my chair if these trails were shot by the likes of say… Alex Rankin. (Please someone shoot a handheld, fast panning, trackside standing video of this with Luke and set it to something like The Misfits)

Luke Strobel is a stud for making the chest-mount look as good as it did.

Oh also, that is enduro training right there… go ride your trail bike and slash the pants off berms and stomp the piss out of big jumps and just generally have some guts to do gnarly shit.

No Fun Zone Ahead.



Nothing makes my fun-boner soft faster than the idea of “training for enduro” and I mean nothing.

This guy’s training program is probably really good. And I wish him the most success with selling it. And to anyone who buys it, I hope they find the results they are looking for:

So don’t take this as a bash against that guy or anyone who wants to find success in his programing. I’m genuinely glad to see people trying to be good at something, being competitive, and living a healthy and fit lifestyle, regardless of what form that takes. Just saying that seeing his program stirred up some stuff deep in my gassy belly.

The idea of training for enduro… that makes me cringe. I thought enduro was supposed to be the saving grace of dirt-racing, offering heaps of fun spilling forth from the cornucopia of joys offered by highly capable modern mountain bikes. I thought that enduro was supposed to be the fun-guy version of downhill that offered thrills and speed without blink-and-you-miss-it race times. I thought enduro was supposed to be the fun-bro time that put the lead back in the pencil of neutered cross country racing. Seems that so far, enduro has delivered on the fun of going for a really great mountain bike ride, but with an even more crowded trail, and having to pay for generally poor event organization, oh and now add fucking training to the list. Thanks enduro.

Maybe that’s just me finally throwing in the towel at the thought of competing or ever again sending USA Cycling another check for a “pro” license (whatever that even means). Maybe I’ve fully embraced my position in cycling as standing fully with two feet on the mushy grounds of mediocrity, surrendering whatever illusion I may have once held that I had at least a fingertip on the chance of being a contender at something. Because these days, I rarely ride my bike for money and it’s a far cry from the kind of money one would need to earn to call it a living or even pay off late fees at the library on that copy of Twilight that’s a year overdue. And to a previous version of me, training is what pros do who are paid to ride their bikes really well and everyone else is just sort of dicking around. But that’s not to say you can’t take dicking around seriously. It’s just that maybe a couple hundred mountain bike riders in the world are training in their respective disciplines, and the rest of us are just playing expensive games in the dirt.

Not sure where this rambling was going. Just seems like an issue of semantics about the word training.

In conclusion, if it’s part of your job duties to go beat everyone else in the world at a thing, you’re training. If you’re trying to win a Cat2 regional enduro race, don’t lose sight of the incontrovertible fact that this shit is supposed to be fun. So be prepared for your fun, but don’t act like your “training” is that important.

Not everything sucks. Just most things. [/angst]

Who Has Two Thumbs…



And likes to rip them off up an ass?

This guy.

Any ass will do. Yours. His. Whatever.

The most impressive stunt pulled is the shirtless greenscreen sponsor job at the end though.

I’d probably be a lot more daring and willing to risk my life trying to pull tricks this laughably far beyond my skill level too if I lived in a country with universal health care.

More Like XX-Sassy


“SRAM reserves the right to enforce its intellectual property in all matters relating to X-SYNC.”



Watch out.


Eating Feces.



This has been sent over a half dozen times now so here’s the Trivial take on it. At least the music is honest, for the first minute it sounds like they are remixing and womp-ing the phrase “douche bag”… 

Watching this also has yielded a formula: Rampage Crash = Poof + Swap + Splat. Big whoop. 90% of those crashes looked the same to me and I don’t like to trivialize giving Death the middle finger which is essentially what every attempt down a Rampage line is. 

Sam Hill’s Worlds crash is still one of the better clips I’ve ever seen in the bike video zeitgeist.