Pretty much hate mountain biking.

Month: March, 2013

Listen, Bro.


Little kids are basically drunk philosophy undergrads.

But hey, there’s a little part of you that’s still a little kid or you wouldn’t be riding a god damn bicycle so much.

That other kid either has synesthesia or is rolling hard on E.  Either way, he’s having more fun than you.

Your Ass.


Your ass spends a lot of time on the saddle of a bike. Don’t you think you should be sitting on something of quality?

Well, thanks to Charge and Alex Rankin, you can at least get your appetite going over something you should put your ass all over.

Initiate launch sequence on Weekly Rankin Boner:

Dammit these are good.

And props to Charge for being secure and not the jealous dick boyfriend of a company about the main guy in your video riding a different brand bike the whole time. When companies are too heavy handed about product placement in a video, it’s repulsive and makes me not want to buy that noise. When you trust your viewers to just know, “Hey, this super entertaining piece of video is made possible by Charge and that’s okay that there’s a Bianchi in it…” then you’ve got me hooked. High five, Charge Bikes.

Now if you could just get your bikes to the US through a shop that doesn’t suck, we’d be in business.

Thirty Seven Even.


Just in case you wanted to buy some really ugly clothes, Joost Wichman, has got you (literally) covered.

If there’s one thing that’s been lacking in cycling apparel, it’s a wide enough selection of tacky jerseys and tee shirts.

But seriously, good luck with Thirty Seven Even, guys!

Yes, This Is Good.


It totally wasn’t a fluke. This is great.

Can we just go over the fact that if you point a camera at Bryn Atkinson in a steep section, you’re essentially guaranteed a banging shot? Think about the last time you saw a clip of Bryn pointed down something gross that didn’t make you wish you weren’t such a huge pussy on your bike… oh wait, you can’t, because that’s never happened.

Edit- looks like the Bro-bots posted about this before this was scheduled to be posted. Once again proving that the forums are always right: those guys are the funnier, original thinkers and Trivial is just a shabby copycat crew of losers. And we’re totally okay with that- no sarcasm, I wish there was a “I’m being serious” font for typing this, because those guys run a tight ship. Not sure why you’re still reading this instead of heading over to

Mime “A Folding Card Table”


Hey, we’re glad you’re not dead.

Or worse.

Everybody keep it safe out there. Even though we probably hate you, we don’t like to see anyone getting broke off.

Rules and How To Break Them.


If you’re going to slow-mo a bunch of shit in your video, then pay attention to this one as an example:

EDIT- Apparently embedding has been turned off for the video above because it makes perfect sense to make it harder for people to watch your video. Click the link and deal with going to another page, it’s probably worth it, I guess.

Trail bike riding is full of moments that you wish would last longer when you’re on the bike, so I’ll sit through a video of cruising around in aspen trees in slow-mo. That feeling is why I got into this stupid sport in the first place.

Downhill is full of moments that, assuming you’re doing it right, you kind of can’t wait for this hectic shit to be over for a second of relief before the next pile of rocks tries to kill you. So don’t spoil that tension by playing everything back at half speed.

Bonus points to the Joey guy for keeping his tongue in his mouth the whole video, especially for all the slow-mo clips. No one likes to see a dude just giving the crisp mountain air a hefty dose of Colonel Angus.


So in conclusion:

Trail bike slow-mo = okay.

Downhill slow-mo = you better have a good damn excuse.

Royalty free music = still pretty sucky.

Well That’s Just Science.



Because you’re always going to break your shitty frame with no hub mounted in the dropouts…



Not convinced, I’m not buying a thousand frames and branding them Trivial Cycles. And for another thing, any frame of any material should probably hold up to a 97 pound Asian guy  gingerly stepping on it.

Heads up next year, all you carbon cookie cutter factories: Put out a big block of concrete with a sharp edge on it and let people take fully ‘roided Mark McGwire swings at it with the downtubes and if it doesn’t break, then I’ll place an order for a batch. Oh wait, never mind. I can just go buy a Santa Cruz already.

Me Fail English?


The site stats for this stupid blog are ridiculous because it’s tracking like 8 people a week. Occasionally some poor dumb idiot ends up here from a search engine term, and this one is a doozy. Somebody clicked onto Trivial while searching this: “a girl have boobies bigger than a bike and porn”




Other good search terms that have shown up recently include “what should i say to bikesponsor to get a sponsorship?” and “cycling fuck”…

Creative Pants.


Well this shows some signs of hope for the future:

It’s short enough for the ADHD victims that make up the bulk of web viewers. It also has a ton of bangers and establishing shots to set the mood and environment of the race for people who give a hoot about the finer things. Oh, and no crutching along on slow-mo for no good reason.

If there was more of this out there, I wouldn’t complain. Aaron Bartlett, you’re doing something right.

Good Idea.



Not sure what’s happening here but it makes your average lake jump look like taking a dip in a piss filled kiddie-pool: