TrivialMTB

Pretty much hate mountain biking.

Month: January, 2013

The Failed Promise of 4X.

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There’s no point in beating the mushy pile of flesh that used to be dead horses any further when it comes to saying 4X pretty much sucked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a killer idea back at that Sea Otter with the huge jump that single handedly broke 175 forks that first year.

Yeah, there have been a few sections of tracks that were cool and there have been a few good races over the years thanks mostly to the participation of downhill racers.

Yeah, ‘roided out bmx crossovers that pedal hard and can’t handle a bike in the rain are boring.

Yeah, good track design/building is really hard to do, expensive, and time consuming.

Yeah, UCI scheduled the finals at night for like 3 years in a row, virtually assuring that there would be no original, distinguishable, or interesting photos coming out of those races , effectively turning all those talented photographers into a bunch of Fraser Brittons.

BUT.

There is an often overlooked effect of 4x racing, whose ripples are still spreading through this tiny, scummy pond we call mountain biking: Trail Bikes.

We are reminded of this due to this video of Bernard Kerr touting his Pivot M4x as his best bike.

Now the video was largely boring in production, but it did have some great bike handling in it. And do you see his back wheel in the clip at 2:13? 4X bikes have been some of the best damn trail bikes we’ve had in the last decade. While cross country whey drinking pansies have been making messes of race venue bathrooms and wheel sizes, 4X has been pushing for bikes to have short chainstays, low bottom brackets, long top tubes, slack head angles, lots of stand-over, single chainrings, firm and controllable suspension, and be strong enough to snap into corners facing the wrong way for overly slow-motioned web videos.

See also the Santa Cruz Blur 4x which has essentially come back from the dead as the Blur TR, and this Turner that we have always been green with envy about.

IMG_4529-1

 

Though, nobody’s envious of that build.

 

USAC Auto-Reply.

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When ever anyone brings up a legitimate complaint about something in mountain bike racing in this country, this is USAC’s default reply:

deelwifit

 

Worthless dicks.

 

Expectations Vs Reality: Getting Agro.

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What you think you look like when you’re getting aggressive:

skeetin

What you actually look like when you’re locking up your rear brake and shaking a lot:

Your team boo boo mom

Bend-gnar.

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If this blog were around over a decade ago, we’d probably have posted stuff about Bender.

Bender’s hucking policy is pretty much the same as what Nelson says here:

Anyone, ever: “Hey Bender, you don’t actually think you’re going to land that do you?”

Bender: [shrugs] “Gotta huck something.”

[splat]

bender

Things Better Than MTB.

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Horatio Sanz.

one hand ahhahaha

Unlucky Charms.

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Ben Reid is a dapper stud, capable of charming the pants right off your girl with little more than a wink and a smile. Then he’ll make tea for you, and you won’t even be mad.

One of the world’s great unsung injustices is the alarming absence of Ben Reid on the podium at world cups. There’s a documentary project for any of you bike videographer wannabees. You could have the Kony 2012 video of this year: Reid 2013. Just don’t blow your credibility jacking it in public like that Kony guy did.

This “test edit” from Lawlor’s shooting with Ben at Pila somehow didn’t make it into the release version for 3 Minute Gaps. It’s hard to imagine how this test ended up on the digital floor of the cutting room since it matched the vibe and mood of the rest of that movie so impeccably.

jay kay not it didnt

It’s on 2013, try and come up with a better downhill video than that right there.

Bren-dong.

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I’m going to go ahead and put this on the table: Brendan Fairclough is the best bike rider on the world cup circuit.

Now obviously not by the numbers and results sheets because he’s had some tough times with injuries and all that. But when it comes to watching him ride sections of a track during practice, you’ll have a hard time finding someone who makes it look better and look like more unfettered fun. Maybe Gwin plows through faster, Greg pedals with five more horsepower, and 15-25 other dudes come across the line with a better time for the whole track.

But Fairclough, a section at a time during practice, is God’s gift to downhill. The reason this doesn’t translate to the results sheet is because there is no God and therefore, He giveth no gifts.

can u not turnbar no he cannot

 

We hope that Brendawwg is healthy this year because we are getting mighty sick of him not being a world cup winner. Of course, he’ll have to spend his off season smashing road miles instead of smashing poon to get this done.

Can’t GPS A Smile, Pricks.

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You know what Strava doesn’t measure is how many jaws you drop by being a total badass.

Just Add flames

 

Keep that in mind the next time you ruin a trail, you god damn nerds.

Hater Check.

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So those classy cybernetic chaps over at Team Robot finally got tired of people bugging them with links to this stupid blog, and they addressed something important. In their recent post, which nearly crashed our computer taking up all 8 gigs of ram with text (that’s a lot of text), they did something that needs to be done: They called us out on some shit.

 

Number One, I order you to go take a number two.

Number 1, I order you to go take a number 2.

That’s right, bagging on a new TLD product for looking tacky is more of a personal opinion than a blog worthy post. Sort of like, “These farts smell bad.” It’s just not news. So Team Robot calling us out on a weak bit like that is appreciated. The police have Internal Affairs for a reason- but less serious because really, this is just a stupid bike blog on the internet that we never promoted, and not to mention, up until a week ago, had a total of like 16 total visitors, 14 of which were probably web randos looking for who Taylor Swift was dating that day.

As for all the forum riff-raff and people saying that Trivial is copying Team Robot- yeah, you’re god damn right we are. It’s fun as shit. You should try it!¬†We are also copying a thousand other things just like they are- just like everyone doing anything, ever.

And they touched on it in about chapter 6 of that epic post that there’s not exactly that much stuff to hate on in a podunk sport like mountain biking. Sure you can be wistful about Alex Rankin’s videos, make fun of wheel sizes, and point out that Brian Lopes shirtlessly parks his Sprinter over 9 spots, but then the well is just about dry.

So in the end, domo arigato Mr. Roboto, the staff at TrivialMTB thanks you for being programed to be such gentlemen about the matter, and also for following protocol in regards to calling shanangins on us the same as you would anyone else in this stupid sport. We respectfully bow to you today. We’ll save getting on our knees and begging for mercy for the machine uprising, date to be determined.

What Could It Be?

 

 


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In a world where nothing can be overhyped, you can make teasers to things like sandwiches, car radiator flush jobs, and now helmets.

Well, spoiler alert- it’s just an ugly trail biking helmet.

TLD no thanks

 

It sort of looks like Michael Bay exploded on it:

TLD way no thanks

 

So I think I’ll pass for now.

a1steaks

 

I may not have a fillet mignon on my shoulders, but there’s no A1 going on this head meat.