Pretty much hate mountain biking.

Month: May, 2014

More DH Races.



Now I’m not saying that Enduro as a whole sucks (most of it does by the way) because that last round of coverage had some cool stuff…

But Richie Rude’s talents are being wasted.


I get it that Yeti is trying to get a leg up on their competitors with a strong enduro presence and that when they went to their gypsy business planners, the chicken bones and tea leaves read that enduro was the future… invest in enduro… take your junior world champ and have him race on little bikes.

Look, when you’re Jared Graves and you’ve killed it at just about everything else with wheels, you can go kill enduro and not be “a washed up dh racer looking to extend your career” and hell, even if you are a washed up dh racer trying to capitalize on a career extension, good for you for paying your bills. But when a young gun that can rack up top 30s in world cup dh racing gets put on the enduro bench, that just seems like squandered potential to me. Maybe in 5 years I’ll be eating my shoe when Richie Rude is buying his third home off the paychecks brought in by enduro racing, sleeping soundly knowing he is deeply satisfied with how things turned out.

Or maybe Yeti just needs someone to break a whole pallet of carbon triangles every week for “testing” … I don’t know.

XCE Was A Thing? Still?



I was shocked to read the news that XC Eliminator was going to be cancelled by the UCI, because I thought it had been cancelled already five years ago. Now you may be thinking, “But XCE wasn’t even around five years ago, you idiot.”

But that’s just how little I (or anyone else) gave a shit about it.

It’s good to read this: “UCI does still wish to continue to crown a World Champion in the discipline, much like it still does for 4-cross”

The UCI is certainly happy to keep on bestowing the world champ title on a thing that they don’t support in any way though. That’s generous and cool of them.


Look at those packed sidelines for another thrilling event of “staring at spandex asses in the rain” … hard to believe such a fan favorite idea will meet such a hasty end.

Flipp-in Great.



In this video packed full of crazy stuff, the one thing that blew my mind up was the roll out at 1:45

The simple things are where most of skill is hiding.

This goes for all riding.

Earned Laziness.



The Robots have put up a new poll and the comments section raised the following complaint:

Screen Shot 2014-05-21 at 10.23.43 PM

But this is not the worst pro-plate we’ve ever seen. Not even close.



And besides… when your number plate says “1” on it, you can do whatever the shit you want.

Where’s My Medicare? Or I Hate Kickouts.



This video really covers a lot of bases.

Like the following:

-Waking up to an alarm

-Wiping the sleepy out of your eyes while greeting the new day

-Fake film burns

-Slider dolly portrait shots of serious business times with focus on the background instead of the subject

-Helmet install and gloving up

-Pedaling a downhill bike really hard on a flat, boring trail

-Some attempted kickouts

-Closeup shot of rolling over a root



Look, we all regret things we did when we were 13 so I’m not crapping on this kid directly, and obviously everything is better through the delusional rose tinted glasses of nostalgia, but back in my day (groans) 13 year olds were hucking stair gaps and dropping retaining walls to flat for unbridled fun and doing whimsical shit like putting big double crown forks on hardtails. If the last few months of videos in particular has shown us anything, it’s that groms value kickouts and making shitty “edits” overly cinematic in their presentation over being stupid, fun loving kids doing stupid, fun things with stupid, fun bikes.

If this is what kids these days find fun then count me out as an officially cranky old fart. The kickout is ruining the youth culture. Also, get off my lawn and get a haircut you damn kids.


Not Sure If Serious.



I can’t tell. It’s not over-the-top enough for me to be sure that this isn’t serious. It’s clearly kidding at points but kind of kidding on the square.

But what bothered me the most about this whole thing was the lie sold here:

Screen Shot 2014-05-12 at 2.37.02 PM

“Don’t worry guys, I made enough Moab burritos for everybody.”

No. You didn’t.

Look, a few seconds earlier:

Screen Shot 2014-05-12 at 2.35.34 PM

There’s only two left. The lazy art department just used wads of foil to fake like there was more in the bucket. So is the chef leaving himself out of the count? Is he that selfless? Or did he just mean “there are enough Moab burritos for all the bike riders”… ? The sound mixer clearly wasn’t fed and starved to death, because the audio in this video was abandoned like a step-child in the woods. And I’m not sure if the Moab burrito is ironic enough for that one guy’s mustache. And if the other dude was being honest with himself, he really just needs a tortilla wrapped around a big bottle of sunscreen before he catches fire in the Utah sun.

And the writer needs to check their priorities because that one gal broke rule numero uno in women’s mountain biking by crashing pretty much right on her tits and those bros kept going because Burritos > Boobs > Well being of another human being.

And in all of the mountain biking mecca, could they have not scrounged up a better bike than a Jamis?

Whatever. I’ll probably eat one the next time I’m out there.

Not Good Either.



I finally sat through Not Bad because someone tipped me off that it was on Netflix and learned that 6-7 minutes worth of good riding footage can totally fill up 29 minutes of screen time if you just shoot it all on a Miro and then pad it with enough “lifestyle” clips to sink a mid-sized boat.

One star. Should have watched an episode of just about any damn thing else.


Still Drunk


There’s nothing quite like watching our little industry when a new standard, catch phrase, or marketable ‘style’ actually sticks from being validated by a real life race format.





A year later, this is what all the people who thought they were riding all mountain feel like:



So I’d love to say WTF is THIS???




But I saw the Cliff’s Notes.


Beer Goggles



Seriously, I can’t be the only one seeing this shit any time I watch a bike video.



The Trickle.



I’m sure there was some kind of OE price point that had to be hit with the X1 drivetrain parts because who in their right mind would not spend the extra $17 dollars to drop 150 grams off their cranks?