Pretty much hate mountain biking.

Month: February, 2013

Blasters Set To Poop.



Like you needed any more evidence that Chase Hawk can out blast everyone on this sad little planet… here’s his section from Bad Idea:

Ugh. God, that’s hot.

Horse Meat.



This might as well be screen grabs of that time I tried to ride a 29er in 2008:






I don’t know. It’s not like things have progressed that much. There’s maybe four to six 29er bikes that are even viable options.


That’s Better.


This video is more like it. It’s short enough for the mouth breathers that are on their never ending quest to dumb down internet media content to their level. It’s got enough hot roosting action and bike handling skills to entertain the people who know poop about crap. Nothing is slow-mo and actually everything looks more hectic than the second half of a 75 person Harlem Shake video, just like downhill should. There’s one spill, the ladder bridge is blasted over by 15 feet, and then there’s 3 minutes of black screen to prepare you for the shirtless dude content provided to fill the void left by the total lack of press releases regarding what third tier companies Brian Lopes is going to collect checks from this year.

And I have no idea who this dude is but I don’t doubt that if he had food poisoning, he would still beat me at a race by over a minute.

History Repeats.



Speaking of obscure trials shit, this thing popped up at the NAHMBS:



Which reminded us of the Vario Tibo All three that ever existed died, like R&B star Aaliyah, looking good in 2001.



No hate from us on anything at that show. There is some silly shit there every year and while none of us have any interest in a fat/snow bike or zany rigid/belt drive/recycled 29ers for ourselves, everything there is made by someone who cares about cycling and has done more to give back to it in their own kooky ways than your average pecker face on Poonbike or spankchodey.



Akrigg Rules.


Things will slip your mind, whether it’s where you put your keys, Dre, or the fact that Chris Akrigg shreds all his bikes better than you can shred your one bike. While we can’t do anything about your keys, or that we automatically assume anyone with Beats By Dre headphones is an idiot whose lack of care for audio quality is matched only by their lack of fiscal responsibility, we can provide you with this year old edit of Akrigg that you probably missed, in which he is ripping a variety of bikes ranging from piece of shit Onzas to piece of shit Mongeese.

Drop your seat, put on some flat pedals, and go dive head first into some lines that take commitment. Be happy.

Your Team.



Totally Your Team:


Not your team:


Welcome To Internets!




Many things remain a mystery to modern science, and it’s not just the heavy stuff like quantum entanglement or string theory. It’s simple things like why a bicycle will stay upright or why the hell anyone would ever read this website. Very smart people know that these things happen, but still don’t fully understand why these things happen. Despite the overwhelming evidence of over 100 posts on here, none of which are worth anyone’s time spent reading, a few stragglers wander like zombies across the internet wasteland to find themselves on here every few days.

One of those people happened to be famous badass Ronnie Renner, who is best known for doing things that normal people could never imagine, such as wearing a GoPro and listening to dubstep- no wait- I mean chucking giant, mind boggling whips and throwing entire dump trucks of sand up in roost shots like a boss.


Well anyways, he didn’t seem to like that we thought the electro-bike was dumb and got a little bit ass-hurt that we shared such an opinion on the internet prior to trying it.

boohoo1 boohoo2

The 2 feet of air he got on his XC bike is still double what he was getting over those neighborhood kid built table tops on the electro bike, and if he knows where there’s a shuttle run that takes 10-15 gallons of gas for one run, then I’d be up for trying to ride that because it sounds like a Megavalanche event.

We’d be glad to try one of those things out so long as the only thing it will cost us in a little dignity and probably having to eat our own shoe, because you’re right, Mr. Renner, for all we know, it’s the most fun we’ll ever have. Shouldn’t be too hard considering how much mountain biking sucks.

Then again, there’s this:



Only A Year?


“I wonder what happened to everyone’s favorite photographer’s website, Man, the high quality, original content such as photos that look exactly the same year after year on that was always so great, and it was frequently updated with news that I cared about, and man, I just miss it so much.” -Nobody Ever.

Well Nobody Ever, your stupid prayers have been answered in a grammatically confusing way, because why bother spell checking and proof reading your posts about a website that only Chinese bots ever visit:




While the welcome to the team Feniak video was frankly not very good, this team launch video is overall a large step in the right direction. For one thing, they went somewhere interesting. I’m not sure how many videos I’ve seen shot in southeast Asia, probably not many. They looked like a team, ya know, doing fun shit together other than riding bikes. They slid around in the mud and goon-manualed a bunch of shit. I know we’re supposed to just hate everything because this is the internet, but this looked fun for everyone involved.

If we’re going to nitpick some stuff, those Hutchinson tires don’t seem to be clearing mud very well:

knobswhatknobsAnd this photo sent out with the press release is a prime example of one of our photo-peeves- looking at where you’re skidding into instead of looking at the exit of the turn. I don’t know, maybe he’s looking directly at the flash? That’s where I’d look if anyone ever took a picture of my shitty riding.

max_Hutchinson_UR_Guillaume_jungle_bermAnd on the plus side, those Polygon bikes sure do live up to their name with their multi-sided shapes and all.

Edit- Was just alerted that the music sucked in this. Yeah, watched it on mute before as that’s the default way we watch bike videos on the internet these days.

Expectations Vs Reality: Freeriding.


What you think it looks like when you go “freeriding”:


What it actually looks like when you go “freeriding”:

spiderbitchDoes anyone still use the term “freeride” anymore? Remember when Cannondale tried to copyright the term? Maybe if they had been successful with that, they could have coasted by a few more years on the licensing money.