Andy Rooney’s Ghost.
What happened in journalistic writing for the internet? The same bullshit style of headlines are all over the place now and it’s creeping into bike media. I just saw something in the feed that said, “Insane Man Attempts 100 Foot World Record Backflip Jump And You Won’t Believe What Happens Next” … what kind of clickbait crap writing is that? It’s everywhere these days.
Let me guess, he backflips a hundred foot jump? Yeah, so just say that. That as a fact on its own is really cool, and I’d want to see more. You don’t have to lead me on with some coy trick that always ends up being a let down anyway.
Here’s some examples of sprucing up junk that I would not be surprised to see in the feed:
Headline- Yeti announces bike with tiny little shocks and what they have to say about it is downright shocking!
Click- “They said they aren’t shocks and you should stop calling them that already.”
Headline- Brian Lopes picks up new sponsor and this time it’s a big one!
Click- It’s some struggling second or third tier company, who gives a shit.
Headline- DVO has a new product and how they made it will blow your mind!
Click- They made it just like everyone else makes their suspension stuff, nothing is special.
Headline- Trek finds a way to optimize a critical flaw in bicycle design in a way you’ve never seen before!
Click- It’s a new “standard” and we’ve all seen it before a thousand times and it’s annoying and everyone hates it.
Headline- Stop the presses! SRAM announces new brakes that will make you forget all about Avid Elixirs!
Click- They are avid elixirs, basically.
Headline- What Shimano learned from bonsai trees to make XTR Di2 the best groupo ever.
Click- They just made it really expensive for what it is.
Headline- Fox’s new suspension products are going to change the way you see the world, but how!?
Click- The shocks go up and down like they did last year.
Headline- Are your elbows out far enough to look this stupid going slow around a corner?
Click- It’s an ad for that Lee guy.
Headline- I thought Specialized was crazy for putting this common household item in a wind tunnel but what happens next is amazing!
Click- They put a bike in a wind tunnel and it’s boring.
Headline- Something you use on every ride will make you shit your pants, find out what!
Click- It’s brake fluid. You shouldn’t drink brake fluid.
Headline- Fill out this quick survey to find out which wheel size you are!
Click- You’re a penny farthing’s little back wheel and you’re stupid.