Andy Rooney’s Ghost.

by trivialmtb


What happened in journalistic writing for the internet? The same bullshit style of headlines are all over the place now and it’s creeping into bike media. I just saw something in the feed that said, “Insane Man Attempts 100 Foot World Record Backflip Jump And You Won’t Believe What Happens Next” … what kind of clickbait crap writing is that? It’s everywhere these days.

Let me guess, he backflips a hundred foot jump? Yeah, so just say that. That as a fact on its own is really cool, and I’d want to see more. You don’t have to lead me on with some coy trick that always ends up being a let down anyway.

Here’s some examples of sprucing up junk that I would not be surprised to see in the feed:

Headline- Yeti announces bike with tiny little shocks and what they have to say about it is downright shocking!

Click- “They said they aren’t shocks and you should stop calling them that already.”

Headline- Brian Lopes picks up new sponsor and this time it’s a big one!

Click- It’s some struggling second or third tier company, who gives a shit.

Headline- DVO has a new product and how they made it will blow your mind!

Click- They made it just like everyone else makes their suspension stuff, nothing is special.

Headline- Trek finds a way to optimize a critical flaw in bicycle design in a way you’ve never seen before!

Click- It’s a new “standard” and we’ve all seen it before a thousand times and it’s annoying and everyone hates it.

Headline- Stop the presses! SRAM announces new brakes that will make you forget all about Avid Elixirs!

Click- They are avid elixirs, basically.

Headline- What Shimano learned from bonsai trees to make XTR Di2 the best groupo ever.

Click- They just made it really expensive for what it is.

Headline- Fox’s new suspension products are going to change the way you see the world, but how!?

Click- The shocks go up and down like they did last year.

Headline- Are your elbows out far enough to look this stupid going slow around a corner?

Click- It’s an ad for that Lee guy.

Headline- I thought Specialized was crazy for putting this common household item in a wind tunnel but what happens next is amazing!

Click- They put a bike in a wind tunnel and it’s boring.

Headline- Something you use on every ride will make you shit your pants, find out what!

Click- It’s brake fluid. You shouldn’t drink brake fluid.

Headline- Fill out this quick survey to find out which wheel size you are!

Click- You’re a penny farthing’s little back wheel and you’re stupid.