Whip Flood.

by trivialmtb



It’s almost that time of year when Whip Off Worlds takes over your media feeds. Let’s not complain about a ton of photos on your screens of people getting sideways and radicle on bikes over big jumps. But maybe let’s complain about the sixty terabytes of GoPro on a stick data that the event will produce.

It’s right on the edge of getting “real” which means possibly closing off the immediate edge of the course to spectators, required media credentials/passes, billboards full of logos, and Red Bull bringing in some Condor-Cam crew to zip line the jumps with an overbuilt RED. All of this hopefully equates to more prize purse money for the guys out there shredding their faces off. All of this also equates to the avant-guard becoming the new status quo and that’s always bittersweet. It’s a natural cycle in art through (yeah, I said it. Whips are art. Bike riding can be artful.) The mainstream is one thing, the avant guard rebels against it, the avant guard becomes the mainstream, and a new movement rebels against that. 

So what’s next for the freaks and weirdos after Whip Offs becomes a live-streamed event under cooperate control? Where will the weirdos move when their freak-pad turns into HOA controlled town houses? 

Possible future side events to self-organize:

-Kickout Knockout. Get one of those carnival strongman games where you hit the pad with the big hammer and the weight flings up and dings the bell at the top if you’re strong enough… rig that up on the side of a straight section of boring trail and see who can get the weight up the highest by slapping the rig with a Candian Kickout. Video of the event must be set to one of three shitty songs that everyone was going to use anyway before publishing. 

-King Of The Skids. There’s that section of trail off the top of Garbonzo down a ski run where you can easily go over 50mph and you hit a couple grated over water bars that truly test your faith in your bars/pedals/cranks not snapping like twigs… the bottom of that you throw down a chalk line and a big ass measuring tape and see who can skid the longest. Bonus award to the craziest asshole who goes the fastest down that ski run. 

-Hardtail race down D1/Klunker Air DH. No one brings a hardtail to Whister really but a few locals probably have them for dirt jumps, so round up five of them and race them down D1. Fastest person to survive wins. Klunker Air DH is limited to mountain bikes older than 1995, beach cruisers, grocery getters, and apple krates. If it’s too scandalous to do full sized A-line stuff then it’s possible to just move it over to Crank It Up. No one is going to call you a wimp for trying to survive. Also, the event is closed off to Brian Lopes. 

-Fun Enduro. Everyone just rides the Canadian Open track on their downhill bikes. Everyone wins because it’s secretly just a downhill race, but sponsors are going to kick in tons of shit because the event title says the E-word.