Who’s Bigger Now, World?

by trivialmtb

TrivialMTBLogo

 

It’s entirely possible likely that Team Brobot already made this post and did a better job than Trivial, but then again, that’s why you come here, right? The re-heated, shitty leftovers from the much better blog on why mountain biking sucks.

Anyway.

Despite all the progress made by the sport in the last 15 years, it’s still widely perceived by the public as a bunch of spandex wearing dorks complaining in the woods.

large_spandex

Which it is. It very much is. But we wear baggy stuff over the tight stuff nowadays.

So you know what mountain biking needs is a tougher image. And what’s the toughest thing ever? Guns.

Mountain biking needs more gun iconography. Plain and simple. If we could just have a few more 9mm handguns masquerading as the letter R in logos that would help. And if we could have another few companies really embrace gun lingo and employ more crosshairs and shit like that, mountain biking would look a lot tougher.

roaded

 

Tracy Morgan’s character had a line in 30 Rock that explained basically,  “I think I speak for both of us when I say it’s because gun are metal penises.”

So here’s a million dollar idea up for grabs, anyone can take this and run all the way to the bank if they want. Start a bike company called “Metal Penis” and brand it with 4th grade dick-n-balls imagery, pump out some brightly anodized bars and “enduro” stems and skinny little soft dick pedals, sit back, and watch the profits roll in. People will buy it at first out of irony. But then it will become not only okay, but encouraged to run Metal Penis components. Cash out. Retire. Leave mountain biking and:

o-RALPH-POLNICKY-DILDO-facebook

 

By the way- I have no problem with any of the companies who put gun stuff in their branding. They probably own more guns than I do so I don’t want to piss them off. Their parts are very nice, I’m sure.