Nominee For Best Screenplay.
by trivialmtb
Let me first start this out by saying that I’m a big fan of Curtis Keene. It’s a bummer that circumstances in the industry have pretty much forced him to step away from DH to continue having a career as a bike rider, but maybe he was tired of having to go bananas-warp speed at world cups anyway, I don’t know.
He’s a well spoken and smart fella, unlike some of the other fast guys out there who can’t give an interview without a thousand Yeah-Nos, Uhhhs, Likes, and talking about having to take a shit. And yet, this new Avid video was pushed out like a turd from Sam Blinkensop’s ass with seemingly the same old strategy of “just talk casual and we’ll get something we can edit with.”
Nope. It doesn’t work. Not any more- this is not 2009.
If you’re going through the trouble of shooting fancy pants HD speed ramped slow-mo, using a slider dolly, and showing us how coffee gets made, then write something for the spot. Don’t just chop up some rambling and expect that to sell brakes.
Hire a writer. Write a script. Have the talent read it a few times, get a good take, and use that.
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The reality is that the video was perfectly fine. The criticism comes from the trend in mountain bike videos to be more and more “professional” these days even though they are just going to be buried several pages deep and lost forever to the abyss within a couple of days. “Professional” doesn’t mean shooting on a RED, or jillion frame per second slow mo, or giving your stuff a pass through color grading, or jibs and dollies and glidecams. The beef here is that if you’re going to do all the image creation so well, back it up with story.
All those Charge videos that Rankin does are pretty much all about things that don’t traditionally appeal to me at all. Stuff like riding a road bike for a long time, fixies, leather saddles, or cyclocross anything… and yet every one of those videos has me captivated from start to finish because they are telling a story and telling it well.
TrivialMTB 
Hire a writer?
“The Sport” wouldn’t know good writing if it promised to sell a million car-boners.
Is there a single MTB “journalist” who knows how to write?
I don’t think so. Look at the shit-stains who work for all the online mags. They’re either mentally fixed at age 12 despite being 41 (hear me yet Sven?), dorky geeks who think going to schul and temple is the same as knowing how to ride and how to write (yeah StinkBike!), so limited in vocabulary as to be redundant and boring (go Steve Jones and DirtMag!), busy sticking their nose way up an advertiser’s fecal evacuation tunnel (every single print mag plus EmptyBeer, TrikeGaydar and TrikeTumor), too busy thinking Real Estate Bubbles Mean We’re The Epicenter of the Sport (YO! EnnEssEmmBee baby!), or just plain stupid (oops, you thought I forgot TGR didn’t you?).
Thought I forgot SpankMonkey, eh? Nope. I didn’t. Not even the “brilliance” of kidwoo or the “arch clown humor” of JonKranked makes that place worth reading.
No, they are all dipshits who imagine that winning their neighborhood mailbox-to-mailbox Speed Run in 4th grade makes them seriously knowledgeable about riding and writing.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The Hot Shit of 2011, Seb Kemp, is both a lousy writer and a poor comedian. He’ll tell you the opposite though, as often as you’ll let him open his mouth or touch his keyboard.
I’m a really funny guy who loves to skid around corners and call it “aggressive descending” because that grows the sport, you tosser.
And then when there’s nothing left to write, but you need to drum up those page views for the advert dollars you get this: http://www.pinkbike.com/news/Pinkbike-Poll-Bike-Setup-How-Picky-Are-You.html
Mike Kazimer is an awesome cribbage player and is hell with a yarmulke on!
I predict Kazimer’s next Click Farming Project will be,
“PinkBike Poll — How many of you think masturbating to bike porn is what pulls chicks when you’re at Starbucks?”
Wait, when did I convert to Judaism? I sold my soul to the devil years ago – how do you think I come up with such groundbreaking poll questions?
I thought this site was written by kidwoo and johnkanked ?
If so, then they each found and ate a Comedy Pill before posting, because it’s funnier than either one of those shitbirds ever has been anywhere on the internet.
Holy brillo pads and WD-40, I forgot one “premier” online site.
Fap-Blister.
“Hey, we’re all trust funding slummers who don’t have to work a day to earn our 6 or 7 figure annuity income, and we write for people who wish they were as rich as us, flying to South America and Asia and Europe to ski for 2 days and test gear, or around the world with a $15,000 Car-Boner EnduroWhiz bike riding at all the Wannabe Spots with 5-star Michelin Guide hotels. Sure, you have to be very rich to do what we do, and sure, only 0.00000001% of all MTBers and skiers are as rich as us, but that’s the point. We aim to make you envy our wealth, and skiing/riding are just the vehicles we’ve chosen to do that. Because we’re rich as fuck, we got decent college educations and we know a lot of huge words that you have to look up. That’s how we pass for good writers — big words, fancy locations, you envy us = PROFIT!”
Satchel is feisty today…
Clete, I been feisty a long time.
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/5870813/race-day-interview-with-mr-corny
Satchel:
Daddy daddy, tell us the story again of how gwin left trek because he thought lance armstrong was a bad guy…please please please
I ain’t givin you shit Stickywicket until you tell us more about New Product please drop the terminal “s” because you’re inside now and that’s hot shit.
[…] dollars to at least rough concept a story? It’s the same thing we talked about in that Avid video with Squirtis Keene (still love you ‘Dream). There are only about 5-7 people in the world currently making bike […]