Ugh. It’s Sea Otter week which means exactly this:
A few hicks are going to be more pumped on AMUUURRRICAH than they actually are about slalom racing and they will get clips in highlight videos just for shaking beer cans full of rocks and waving a giant US flag around and having their girlfriends out there in bikini tops.
Let’s see… what else? Everyone will get sunburns during the day and have to put on winter coats at night.
Will there even be a “big movie” premier there this year? Last year it was Retard Strength In Numbers and that was extra meh. Does Red Balls or Diss-stink-stion Productions have something this year? There wasn’t 73 teasers for a Don Hampton video this year, so I don’t think he has one coming out. By the way, did you know he has an Emmy? You can’t write about Don Hampton without mentioning that, it’s in the rulebook about mountain bike journalism.
Everyone is going to talk about wheel size, and a bunch of people are going to buy ads for “real” mountain bike websites.
John Carr will accidentally insult Brian Lopes in a more cutting way than anyone who openly makes fun of Brian Lopes. MBA is going to shoot a pro’s bike check photo by that scum pond.
Pinkbike will be out there to some extent and claim that they care about racing and cover events like that.
Decline will continue to be barely relevant, but will sponsor a jump contest that the event staff will schedule for mid-afternoon when it’s always windy and it will suck since no one can trick shit in a 25 mph cross wind.
All the other whacko media outlets are going to blow their travel budget sending people to get the same coverage they got last year of Sea Otter. Some “pro” production guy will set up a cable cam or a big jib shot on the downhill track, and everyone else will be out there flexing their camera dicks for the new season just to show the other tech dorks who’s been working out their credit cards in the off season. GoPros will be put on the ends of sticks and shoved out over the track to get whip shots in the top jump line.
That Lee dude is going to make a pumptrack and artificially get his boner so hard for it.
Oh yeah, and some drug addicts are going to ride road bikes.
That should pretty much cover it. Looking forward to Sea Otter 2014 when we can just re-post this same thing again.