Nothing Has Changed.

by trivialmtb



Nothing has changed in mountain biking for months (probably years).

Of particular note is the fact that many very good mountain bikers wish they rode moto, and this will never change. Evidence of this can be seen in the fact that you can’t walk ten feet at Anaheim 1 without running into some god damn clan of mountain bikers wandering around trying to feel important in the face of a sport that is several orders of magnitude bigger than downhill ever will be, and yet still can’t get more than a two second highlight clip on Sportscenter.

Further evidence can be heard and read spewing forth from the “get your elbows out” crowd that likes bikes but loves to pretend they don’t suck at anything with two wheels, when they imagine that their puny pedal bike makes “braap” noises. This is one of the most annoying things in the universe.

You would think that being one of the most stylish mountain bikers in the world would be good enough. Or being at the very top of everyone’s “why hasn’t this guy won a world cup yet?” lists would suffice. But nah, pretend you’re on a dirt bike and making sure your “throttle hand” is doing stuff when you’re hucking shit that is literally impossible for mere mortals on a trail that has been shot since before the time when monkeys first stood upright to get better leverage to throw their feces.

Screen shot 2012-12-09 at 3.00.11 PMWhen the crust of the earth splits open here in a couple weeks and the Mayans crawl out from their graves to kill us all and destroy all things in sight, at least you’ll all die knowing that gapping those graffiti covered rocks in So-Cal wasn’t cool enough on its own. You should have done it with a motor because that’s always cooler.