Things I’d Rather Do Than Hear About Your 29er.
Few things are worse than having to listen to some blowhard stroke his ego-dong about how awesome his 29er is and how great it “rolls” and how it just “buffs the trail right out, bro”… ugh, no thanks.
I’d rather do these things than listen to that noise:
-Trim my fingernails by just twisting them off with pliers.
-Watch 7 straight hours of CSPAN.
-Drop a knife on my foot while doing the dishes.
-Witness a car crash.
-Poop my pants on purpose.
-Ass slide down a splintering banister.
-Drop my cell phone in a port-o-potty at a cross-country bike race.
-Tour a slaughterhouse.
-Have a classy steak dinner with Paris Hilton during which I get to listen to her talk about her life.
-Give myself paper cuts between my toes.
-Be alive in prairie exploration and settler times.
-Eat a cactus.
But I could think of things worse than sitting through the ramblings of a 29er-lover.
-Be Fraser Briton.
-Try and turn a profit out of Decline Magazine.
-Be super good at free-ride mountain uni-cycling.